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Cause And Affect Essay Grammetical Mistakes

Smarthinking’sE-structor Response Form

(Your marked-up essay is below this form.)

HOW THIS WORKS: Your e-structor haswritten overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your e-structorhas also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] throughout your essay.Thank you for choosing Smarthinking’s OWL; best wishes with revising yourpaper!

*Strengths of the essay: Hi,Carolyn!  My name is Allison H, and we’llbe working together today.  Let’s begin!  Many readers should appreciate the clear, effectiveway that you can explain the cause-and-effect process of flooding, as in thissection: “Global warming heats water from oceans and seas.It helps the water to evaporate faster. When a big amount of water vapor is inthe atmosphere, it forms storms that causes flood on land. When the temperatureof the earth increases, ice from the north and south-pole would melt and itwill cause the rising of the sea levels. If the seas levels rise, seas willoverflow and it will cause flood on coastal areas.”  By providing a step-by-step explanation of thiscause-and-effect process, you help readers to easily follow, understand, andappreciate your writing.  This shouldmake them want to continue reading, so good job on that!

*Carolyn 7584729 has requested thatyou respond to the Main Idea/Thesis: When writing a thesis fora cause-and-effect essay, Carolyn, remember that it’s useful to state your mainpoint and purpose for discussing the causes or effects of the process orwhatever you are discussing.  Doing socan help readers prepare to evaluate and appreciate your entire paper moreeasily.  For example:

Children who earn their allowance by performing chores will develop moreconfidence in their abilities and spend their money more wisely since they hadto work for it, and this prepares them to enter the job market and besuccessful, so every child should have some chores and responsibilities as theygrow up.

Just by reading that sentence, readers would understand that I’d explainhow earning their allowance would cause children to have more confidence and tospend their money better.  They’d alsoexpect me to explain why this means that every child should have some chores todo; therefore, my thesis states both the cause and its effects clearly anddeclaratively for readers.  Right now,your thesis isn’t as clear as it could be:

Although floods have some advantages for examplegetting attention from other countries and government getting donations, in abroader perspective we can conclude that, floods cause havoc to life andproperty of mankind. Hence following good preventive measure to control floodis highly advocated.”

How might you strengthen your thesis, perhaps bystating why the negative effects (short-term and long-term) of flooding shouldcause us to use “good preventative measures”? You might try to help readers understand this point more easily bycreating a stronger, more declarative thesis. You might also consider reviewing Lesson 6. Thesis Developmentin the Smarthinking handbookto help you further.

Content Development: A good way todevelop your content is to make sure that everything in it works towardsfurthering, supporting, or explaining your thesis, Carolyn.  This can help you create a more effectiveessay, and it can provide the information and insight that readers need toappreciate your essay more easily.  Forexample, look at this section of your paper:

“Floods causes adverse effect to mankind and structures there effectslarge from short term to long term effects. The short term effects are thoseeffects which are felt immediately, and it may include; physical damages likedamage to bridges, cars, buildings, sewer systems, roadways, and even casualtieslike people and livestock death due to drowning.”

Since you are advocatingthe use of preventative measures, how might you use that point to develop thisparagraph more effectively?  What kindsof preventative measures could be taken to prevent bridges or other objectsfrom being physically damaged?  How mightpeople or livestock be protected and saved from drowning if a floodoccurs?  Try to help readers by providingthe explanation or insight that they will need to understand and appreciateyour ideas and meaning.  Doing so canhelp you to strengthen your content.

*Carolyn 7584729 has requested thatyou respond to the Sentence Structure: Since surface errorsnaturally occur when writing, it’s useful to proofread specifically for theseerrors.  Finding and fixing them can makeyour writing more polished.  Let’s reviewa comma rule that should be useful:

When joining sentences with a coordinatingconjunction (and; but; or; for; nor; so; yet), a comma is also needed to showthat 2 complete sentences are being connected:

Bob and Sherri cannothandle the lunch rush themselves, so they always add 3 more employees to thelunch shift at their café.

Since the conjunction“so” is connecting 2 complete sentences, namely “Bob and Sherri cannot handlethe lunch rush themselves” and “they always add 3 more employees to the lunchshift at their café,” a comma is also needed to join these sentencesproperly.  Now, Carolyn, look at thissentence of yours:

“Streams and rivers sometimes cannot handle the heavy rain so wateroverflows and produces flood.”

How might you use yourproofreading skills to find and fix a similar error in this sentence?  Doing so could make your writing moreprofessional.

Summary of Next Steps:

· State the main point and purpose of your essay in a strong, declarativethesis.

· Provide the details and insight that readers need to understand yourideas.

· Proofread to find and fix surface errors.

Thanks for sharing your cause-and-effect paperabout flooding, Carolyn.  I hope that mycomments have been useful.  Good luck onyour revision!  ~Allison H

Find additional resources inSmarthinking’s online library:

You can find more information aboutwriting, grammar, and usage in Smarthinking’s student handbooks. You can visitthe Smarthinking Writer’s Handbook orthe Smarthinking ESOL (English forspeakers of other languages) Writer’s Handbook.


Please look for more comments in youressay below. Thank you for visiting Smarthinking. We encourage you to submitfuture essays.


Carolyn Butler

Elizabeth Isenkul

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